I knew I had gotten something special when I held this envelope in my hands.... I could feel God's power right through the plastic window which said it was for "Current resident, Our friend" Wow! They knew I currently lived at this residence! God must have told them that. To make it even better it says that this is "Mine first" before some other persons, that must mean God loves me more!
This is the back of the envelope -- These people really have a bold faith - they will write a prayer on the *outside* of a letter, they don't care who knows that God loves me so more! Oh, if the mailman could be as lucky as me, he only got to hold the letter, I got to open it, that means my hands are blessed and his aren't. Neener neener.
Inside the envelope it got even better. I met Y.G. (who is very lovely don't you think?) She proclaims that "$46,888.20 has [her] out of debt" and "that one and only day was [her] special day to [her]." Isn’t it wonderful to hear stories of true spiritual blessings like this? I feel like I know her and her husband, her daughter who is 4 years of age, her four brothers, and her parents. She said it sprinkled on the day she received the letter, it was rather misty when I got it... I hope that God blesses me as He has blessed her! Oh, and L.B.'s husband made a list of 7 things he wanted Santa Claus.... I mean God to do for him and then "went out and bought them a car" with there blessing -- Can it get any better?!
Yes, it can get better! If you turn that page over you find out that "This Prayer Rug is a point of contact" with the heavens that can help you find "a good loving companion" - I've always wanted a puppy! - or even "return a loved one".... from the dead or the supermarket which ever is farther! Wow, God is amazing! And I never knew it until I was blessed with this letter! I also love this lady's hair and sweater... it's amazing how well she matches the color scheme of this letter!
And to think someone went though this letter written just to me and underlined the important parts with a blue marker so I wouldn't miss them, these people really care about me! It starts out "Dear....Someone connected with this address" Wow! I don't think I will ever move if living in my little apartment as brought me so much blessing!
They say that they "see in the Holy Spirit" that God wants to bless "me or someone connected to this address", "something very wonderful is trying to come to me." All I have to do is get alone with God in the next "24 important hours" and touch the prayer rug to my knees while I ask God to bless me. I also shouldn't talk about this special blessing with anyone else - we wouldn't want them to get jealous of how much God loves me. Think of all the years I could have gone on praying to God without a paper rug. Now I know God can't hear my prayers without this rug.
After I say the special prayer, I must then stick the rug in my Bible -gosh, where did I put that thing, oh well I'll just stick it under my bed... that’s okay too. But I have to get it out of my house tomorrow morning - maybe it's like manna in the Old Testament - if you stock up more than you need it rots. I hope I don't do it wrong and get a curse instead.
"Dear Jesus, have this one get their best seed to sow towards their coming harvest. We pray in thy name we pray Amen” I’m not sure what that means but it sound very much like a blessing.... either that or they want me to send them money when I mail back the rug so I "do not break the flow of power between us."
They say that “I will receive a wonderful, free, spiritual gift that will be a blessing to [me] for a lifetime, as soon as [they] receive this back from [me]”… oh boy I hope it’s a convertible!
At first I thought this might be a scam, but St. Matthew’s in Tulsa, Oklahoma must know what they are talking about. I mean this church is 56 years old! That is really old, sure The Council of Nicaea which set up the doctrine of the universal catholic church was in 325… but 1951, that’s sure pretty much the same thing - I mean, that was a year before Mr. Potato Head was on the market!
Oh my! Here it is, the amazing, powerful, paper church prayer rug - This 3-color page of joy is going to change my life. It is almost like a magic trick, it says if you stare at Jesus his eyes will open and look at you! Personally that kind of creeps me out but these people must know, they have been doing this for 56 years.
I'm waiting for my blessing, I wonder if blessings are shipped standard or express mail..... hmm or maybe they come by Fed Ex... I'll let you know once I get mine.
Wow, it sure is kind of the St. Matthew's Church of Tulsa Oklahoma to pay the shipping back on this priceless relic, (plus my "seed gift" of $2000), I sure hope that is enough to win God's favor into blessing me, it's all the money I have saved up for my mission trip to Africa, but I felt like receiving this letter in the mail was a sign that my focus was wrong... I should wait for God to bless me rather than going out to help others with what He has already given me.
Oh this is the best part, a sealed prophesy just for me. I wasn't supposed to open it until I sent the rug back, I wonder what it would have said if I read it early. I'm sure God is able to change the words around. But I did it in the right order, and it looks like I sent in enough money because there is good stuff in here. These are God's words directly to me about my life.... It really is amazing how accurate it is. "Even now you are facing a decision that must be made" Wow! God knew that I was deciding between the black cardigan and the pink blouse. -- Who needs the Bible when they get special Letters directly from God? I might as well give my Bible to some poor soul who doesn't have such a close connection to God.... Hmm, maybe my pastor or Ben Patterson could use my Bible. I didn't realize that God spoke in all capitals though.
All kidding aside - I pray that this shameful attempt to turn the Creator of Heaven and Earth into a magic trick doesn't turn people away from the richness and true hope that is available in a real faith and relationship with the Triune God. Hopefully this is so poorly done no one will fall for it. We wonder how Christians get a bad name... first the crusades, now prayer rug letters... Kyrie eleison. Christe eleison. Kyrie eleison.
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